If We Had Been Ready...
by Little Sis1
Summary: It's full of suprises. You never know what's going to happen next in your life. And when things just get worse, what is a girl supposed to do? With the help of friends and family, is it possible to get through anything?
1. The first acceptence

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, it's as easy as that. I also don't own Mike, he is the creation of my best friend, I owe her much thanks for most of this story.  
  
Author's note: I wrote this story at four in the morning. I think that it is actually one of the better things that I have ever written but who knows, it may be crap. Well when you get done reading it, review so that I can know if it's crap or not, thanks.  
  
Thinking... Thinking.... Thinking...  
  
By: Little Sis  
  
E-mail: vc86qotdangel@yahoo.com  
  
  
  
What else is there to life? I haven't been living it the way that I should lately. I mean my family asked me to change, my friends asked me to change. I've been trying but it hasn't exactly worked yet. I have been able to put up this facade self to the outside world, but will they ever see past it? I don't know the answer to my questions, that is the very reason as to why I ask them. I want answers, no, I need answers.  
  
So, yeah now you are probably racking your own mind with endless questions... Who is this person? What does she want? Why does she keep rambling? Why should I care about this utter stranger? How do you help someone that you don't even know anything about?  
  
It's terrible, all these questions, now it must be contagious because you didn't have them before you started to read this. I am deeply sorry that I am causing you much grief, perhaps it shall be best if you were to stop reading this. Or maybe you'd like to continue? Well I shall continue for those of you whom are interested, but for those who aren't please feel free to leave. Departure from my pain filled life would be nice, the only people who have that option would be the reader, you, or any number of people other then myself. Well, now seeing as I've probably just wasted some precious seconds of your life, I will start my sad tale. I do wish to share it, and have others know about all that has happened.  
  
First, I guess I can start with a quote, right? "Life isn't perfect." Yeah well I never said that it was. When I was born it was a chilly September day, the thirtieth to be exact. It was 9:14am, three hours before my older brother Taichi was to come home from spending the night at our grandmothers. (Let me guess another question, Who is this brother?)  
  
Taichi, known as Tai to most people, is my older brother of two years. He has the most untamed, gravity defying hair that I have ever seen. It's more like a big brown mop on his head that will stand on it's own without gel now, because of all the days and years he had spent making it stand like that. It's weird now, that when it gets wet, he looks more like a drowned rat then a person, or human of any kind. His hair is accented greatly by the brown orbs that are his eyes. He always wears a smile on his face, even if the feeling is one of depression or disappointment. That's just the way that he is, Tai can't be gloomy in appearance, his personality just won't allow for it. He does a lot of things with a smile, however much that smile may change depends on the item at hand. He even cries with a smile, it's funny actually, or mesmerizing if you'd like to call it such. He cheeks constantly filled with a pinkish hue to them, showing his full life. He's my brother really, and that's actually all that matters to me. His best friend would be Yamato or Matt, Ishida. They played on the same soccer team when they were five years old; it was I think the 'Knight Dragons'. I caused my brother much pain when we were younger because I would constantly be falling ill, so he would stop whatever it was that he was doing to be with me.  
  
It was my fault entirely that he had missed over half of the games he needed to be in, in order to move on to the next level of soccer. If you were to ask him though, it was his fault; I was never to blame. But as the years went on and I still got sick atleast once every-other month he just kind of stopped being there. It was the end of our great brother-sister bond. I had abused it, not even knowing then that that is what I was doing. I know it now, and I wish there were a way to go back and change it. When I entered the first grade, I was able to pick up some friends that would stay with me for quite some time to come, or so I thought. Yeah a few are still my friends, to this day, however only one of them knows me inside out. That one friend left me in the third grade and didn't return until fifth grade. His name? Oh sorry, it was and is Takeru 'TK' Ian Takashi-Ishida.  
  
His older brother, yes, was my older brother's best friend. But Matt did not move away like TK. He was left in custody of his father when their parents split during the second grade. That was a tragic time, it hurt both brothers so much, and it caused me great pain to have to see such sadness in two of the greatest people I knew. I know now that actually, it was my love for TK that caused the greatest pain back then, because I saw him in pain and it hurt me as well. We were such close friends that many people thought we were one in the same person, only kinda split seeing as he is male and I female. Ok, yes I do tend to ramble on about such important people in my life, but so would you. I mean think about it, if you were to write out a story of your life, wouldn't you also want the readers to know how great those people were/are to you?  
  
Anyway, back to what I was saying before. TK left me. It was as simple as that. My brother still had Matt, and my mother, Diane, had my father, Will. All I had left was utter nothing ness. I sat around a lot of the time, crying silently to myself, and thinking, if Nancy (TK's mother) hadn't moved him away from me, would I still have my one true friend? I didn't know then, and actually to tell the truth, I still don't know. The summer after TK's move, my parents signed my brother and I up to go to a summer camp. It was going to be great, spending time with my brother again. But as we should all guess, it didn't turn out that way... I got sick, with Strep throat. It was probably the worst time of my life. But that was only summer camp, not the rest of my life. Two weeks before I got Strep, I had had the flu (boy, was that ever fun ::rolls eyes::) I stayed home from school. I guess Tai had held a great pity towards me at the time, because he came home and took me to the park so that I could play with him. Though, we did play soccer and I ended up in the hospital. I passed out due to over exhaustion. He blamed himself, and probably still does. Who do I blame? I blame myself, I knew better then to leave my house, I knew right from wrong, yet I could not stop myself from going; I just made things worse. As I have said, that summer I was still to ill to attend the summer camp to which I had hoped I would finally get to go. That day was the beginning of an adventure, for my brother and six of his friends, TK and Matt included. I don't know how all of it started exactly, I mean I wasn't there so how should I know?  
  
My own adventure would start soon enough. They all came to get me; they called me the eighth child. We fought many different battles, ranging in severity throughout the rest of the summer. I gained some friends, TK, Mimi, Izzy, Sora, Joe, Tai, and Matt... then there were those friends that no one at home would believe except for those who had been there with me. I won't go into my adventures with that group, except to say that perhaps it would have been better had I just stayed at home a little eight-year-old, all alone.  
  
Fifth grade. What can you say about it? I had learned that it was possible to make friends, I just had to be more active, so I took up cheerleading. This was the year that TK moved back to Odaiba. I missed him more then I ever thought possible. But over the years that he was missing, I had made friends with this one boy, Daisuke 'Davis' Motomiya. That child, Davis, had such an infatuation with me that it wasn't even funny. Constantly in fights with TK, and trying to impress me. He was too much like Tai for me ever too like as someone to date, though I did try dating him, once or twice. One day, out of the clear blue, Davis, TK, two other people (Cody and Yolei), and myself were sucked into that world in which I had made friends and spent most of my third grade summer in. Not much had changed, except for the enemy. It was now a young boy by the name of Ken Ichijouji.  
  
We fought Ken for quite some time, before we finally brought him to the side of good. Life hadn't been the same for a long time. Will, my father had started to drink and stay out at nights. Diane, my mother, became crueler with every passing day. And Tai just stayed away from me, like I had some disease or something. I wanted to die. My wish wasn't granted. Matt got together with some friends and made a band, yeah having TK back did have its benefits. After a while, I started to push myself away from everyone except for TK. Then my world crashed again. And yet, I still could not die.  
  
This last summer, between the eighth and ninth grades, I spent with a whole group of people in a castle... A castle, which only exists in the world that, I have spent most of my life in. The one where I could make friends and keep them. During the seventh grade, I was pulled out of school, because of problems. My father turned out to be a rapist. Who, I have forgotten to mention, raped my best friend, Mallory Ishida, and me when we were nine. He has also raped the people I spend a lot of time with and my family, i.e. my brothers and my mother. Good God! I've forgotten to explain parts of my life, the moving around and losing contact with people for years. The deaths that I had to witness, the pain and suffering. All of which happened somehow before being pulled out of the eighth grade. I don't think I could explain all of it, without rotting away at the computer.  
  
Skipping all of the stuff that I have already skipped because it would take to damn long to go back and add in. Perhaps in another chapter, if you'd like? Well, let's see... My mother died, I went into a great depression... Didn't eat for days and was force fed at a hospital in London. Spent all of March of 2001 in London with my "crew". My father, Will, I found out during the summer, that he isn't my real father at all. He is my stepfather, my real father Anthony died when I was born. I'm not going to go into how it came to be that I got to meet him, and even live with him before a vampire friend of 'mine' or ours killed him, again. His death didn't phase me much, I was depressed that things turned out that way but, yeah, he was dead he hurt me he died again. Ugh. This stepfather of mine, cause me to gain all of these other siblings that I didn't know I had. For one there is Ken Ichijouji, mentioned previously, and Willis... then Ken's biological baby sister Grace, and Kit's (I'll explain in a minute) baby sister Rose.  
  
Ok, as promised, an explanation on Kit. She is my best friend. Yes I know that I had already said that Mallory Ishida was, but I witnessed the suicide of Mallory in mid-November. Kit's full name is Kitsune Sakura Lee, now with and added "Hida" because of the marriage to Mike. Who is actually a vampire... and has been around for over five hundred years. Blah-blah- blah... Story is about me, not Mike's weirdness... She is sixteen years of age, and good friends with Matt, and Tai. She has stolen my boyfriend, if you know what I mean (she had sex with him- for those of you who need it spelled out. Oh, but don't worry she isn't the only one, my brother Ken had sex with him too...) But she is still my greatest friend. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I get highly upset when she gets so upset that she tries to kill herself or she just kinda ups and leaves for no better reason then that she doesn't like it here any more. It makes me cry, but she doesn't know that.  
  
I've had nightmares and other diseases, (had mono over the summer, boy was that ever fun. ::rolls eyes::) and many deaths. I've gotten myself into trouble on several occasions because I was careless and just didn't think. I do that a lot, just act on impulse. Well it's not even impulse, I just act stupidly sometimes because I try to go back to the time when everything was good... that was when I was younger, so I try to act younger then I really am. Fourteen years of a living hell, but I may be able to end it now. I just have to let go, and move on. I think that it's possible. I've been going to see a shrink for about a month now, I hate her. She gives me strange looks, and tells me that I'm odd. But she is constantly agreeing and believing everything that I say. Let me tell you, that's annoying as hell. Mike was the first person that I talked to about my problems. He made me sit down and talk to him, without actually making me. See, they all know, they being the people who know me and hang around with me, that reverse psychology works on me. It's not fair that it does, but hey "life isn't fair". Mike let me vent to him and everything, he was a great guy, and very helpful.  
  
See, with talking to Mike I didn't have to watch what I said because he knows all about the places I've been to, and all the things that have happened to me. I could just talk, and he would try to help me. He listened but didn't agree to everything that I said, unlike that shrink. He was a big help to me. Probably the only help to me, actually.  
  
I guess now I shall end this pointless ramble about my life. I do hope that those who have successfully read through it and survived will be as so kind to write a review. Thanks so much. My life isn't over, no matter how much I wish it would end. This play on words about my life is not coming to an end. Good night, bye.  
  
~*Kari*~ 


	2. Just Another Entry, or a day in my life

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. End of comment.  
  
A/N: Continuation of the last chapter, with added details and explanations.  
  
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Hey again,  
  
What's new? Cuz here, nothing really is. I mean I've gone through most of this all before. Everyone in our group gets mad at one person… because Kitty is mad at them, and we ignore them until they stop being a bastard about it all. Then we slowly one by one forgive them. And everyone on the "good side" of "our group" goes off to some far away land (still on planet Earth) and make a semi-permanent residence. Then Will enters the picture again, and people get raped and hurt. I still don't think before I act, and people still get upset because of it. Though they have gotten so tired of it all. And I know that, I do try, but I don't think that they understand that. They keep telling me I'm retarded and dumb and that I don't think. Which is true, I don't, but every time that they tell me stuff like that, I feel worse about myself. If they want to help so bad they wouldn't insult me so much.  
  
Well, anyway… I don't want to talk about them and what they do to me. I don't really care all that much, or maybe I do. I don't know, and I'm not going to put down what I really think, incase one of them happens to read this. Then I'd really feel bad because they'd be hurt or upset of something. It's also possible that they wouldn't be affected at all, I belong to a group of weirdo's oh-well. They're fun weirdoes; they are also pretty horny to apparently. Jeez… the guys we know, may be pretty, hot, smart, and have hard stomachs but that doesn't mean they don't shrink their pants while wearing them. It can be quite disgusting at times… Ok, so yeah, I tape them screwing around with each other. So what? A lot of us younger ones do it, and they have all gotten over it, I think all of them anyway. And sometimes, those tapes come in handy.  
  
If you have a tape in each room you can find out different things, like exactly what your father and four of his friends did, to put your best friend in the hospital. Yeah, Kitty had to go to the hospital. Five guys, ok men, raped her. Will, my father-unfortunately-, Mich, Alec, Rodger, and Jonnie- now dead. None of them were under the age of 43. I think it's gross, but atleast I could warn Matt before it all happened. I told him stuff that had happened already, and then the stuff I found out when I went into Will's office… Yeah I broke in. But hey we're in Paris, I can't speak french, and Will's office door just opened when I pushed against the handle by accident. So shoot me for learning how to pick locks.  
  
TK taught me how to. And it was a great thing to know recently. Though TK hasn't really been a great person to know recently. He beat me up and broke up with me, not in that order. He cussed me out, and hit me really hard in a supermarket. Hard enough to draw blood, I cried, to say the least. I had Mike fix all of my cuts for me, well most of them, when TK beat me up. Mike can do that, so can all the other vampires that we're friends with, they take their blood and run it over the cut, then it heals. I don't like the site of blood though, so it took both Matt and Mike to fix all the cuts for me. Eew! When they asked what happened, I couldn't very well tell them, 'yeah TK, you know Matt, your brother, beat me up.' So I told them some lie about falling in bushes and stuff. Mike wouldn't read my mind, I know that. He never reads anyone's mind, which is a good thing. But I actually do think that if, I had told anyone the truth that he would have read my mind to find out. They all really do care, and they all have gotten pretty good at telling when I'm lying and when I'm not. Though sometimes, (and I shouldn't say this, incase they are reading) I have been able to lie to them and they have yet to find out. I won't say what about though, cuz if one of them finds out, then they all find out.  
  
I'd like to know how they do that. You tell one person something and the next person you talk to, knows about it already. It's scary. But oh-well, I don't think it's too much of a problem, if it gets to be one, then they'll have to stop, cuz I'll clamp up again. Yeah, I'm proud of myself, I've been more open with all of them, or atleast I think I have. I've been telling the truth for most of the time. And I'm only defient when the guys are being gross and making me repeat things on the phone for Kitty to hear. Like the other night, they were making me tell Kitty, to tell Tai to do different things to her so that it would lead them both to orgasms… That was just so wrong. I ranaway that night, and found my way to Matt's grandparents' house. I wanted to go home the next morning so that I wouldn't get in trouble for leaving, cuz if I got back early enough no one would notice. But I didn't know how to get back. So I had to write a note to Matt and ask him to come get me. I told them all that I was really sorry for leaving and that I'd never do it again. I probably will at some point. But I didn't get in trouble and that was the good thing.  
  
Great! I'm having an allergic reaction to something. Ugh. Well, before I go and find my dearest lovely (and most likely horny) brother to complain to and ask for help. I want to tell everyone, that because of all this shit that's happened, Matt and the band split up. Well now they are getting back together. I'm really happy about that. I missed going to their concerts, and I'd tell them that, but they'd probably just think I was some dumb little fangirl. Well, maybe I am, but they don't need to know that. I love them all, and they are all so pretty, it's not fair actually. But anyway… Where is my brother? I doubt you could answer me. Hmm…  
  
TTYL. Hope you enjoyed this. I'll be back later, not tonight, but sometime, soon… Maybe I'll tell you exactly about Will?… maybe not. Hmm.  
  
Love,  
  
Kari 


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